Facing tougher circumstances... part II

Above: From Truth Today, May 7-10, 2010 - The caption reads: No description [The Thai letter on the man behind Abhisit is “por-pla." This initial is mean

t to imply that several top people such as Prem, Pruyuth, Pok [Anupong] , etc. desire death and chaos.]

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this...

* I've emailed my program director, asking her how we'll handle the situation and whatnot, but... she basically hinted that they might delay the start of the program for a couple weeks, or... just cancel it, altogether?

* In some way, I don't know if this is either out of naivety or just, my own personal character... but...

Although I'm worried about the situation, with the possibilites of hearing gunshots outside my window or having to be holed up in a room for safety... I still want to go to Thailand.

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Ever since I was little and had dreams of becoming a doctor (pediatrician, to be exact), I concurrently had the hopes of volunteering for an international-medical program such as 'Doctors Without Borders', which gives medical attention to countries that are unfortunately, not very equipped with neither the technology nor trained inviduals necessary for even basic medical care.

I definitely don't want to sound like a Mother Teresa or anything (since, she undoubtedly was an amazingly powerful and selfless being who is an inspiration for many), but my passion really revolves around the fact that I love being in motion - whether it be physical, emotional, conceptual...

* Sidenote.... : Haha, this reminds me of something my friend told me (you know who you are?? :D ) who told me how she successfully stood her ground when arguing with a friend about the definition of "inertia," and how it's not necessarily the dynamic state of an object trying to return to its "zero" state (or, state of rest), but actually its state of resisting the affects of external forces.

So, technically... even if an object is in motion, as long as it's not encountering any outer forces and is still going at a constant velocity... it has inertia! *

Anyhow. Back to what I was saying... I always feel like, whenever I'm not doing anything, I sense this disatisfaction with myself, and feel the urge to find something to do, whatever it is.

Even during summer vacations (which, I am now presently on, yipee!), I can't just sit around watching TV or laying on my couch... or else I feel sluggish and just.. without purpose.

Perhaps this stems from the fact that, even during vacations, my mom never fails to burst through my bedroom door at 9 o'clock every morning, just to wake me up and get me started on my day~... even though I really don't have anything to do besides reading or hanging out with my friends (whose moms are kind enough to let them sleep in until noon, meaning I can't really hang out with them, anyway, until the afternoon/evening!).

Or even back at my university.....

If I have time (wait, even when I don't really have time - for example, the night before a final!), I feel the urge to just bake, since it's something that I can do with my hands.

One time when my boyfriend was late, I couldn't stand myself just waiting around my apartment, anymore, so I decided to just get some air and take a walk around the neighborhood.

My roommates frequently leave their dishes in the sink for more than one day, so much so that it made washing my own dishes really difficult, so I used to just wash their dishes with mine, anyway (though, I have stopped doing this, since I figure they are big girls, too :D )

The people that I can call my best-friends are people who talk not only about matters/issues/concepts with me, but feel free with me to really speak about their opinions about things, no matter how 'serious' the subject is. Simple answers without much insight really, really bug me (which reminds me, sorry to my boyfriend for getting mad at him for giving me short answers to questions!! As you can see, I nitpick at topics and like to fully analyze them, so I find it abnormal when people occasionally give me really, really concise answers).

--> Some of my past favorite topics include: personal rankings of Asian languages and concluding that Vietnamese is the worst-sounding, the un-answered question of how on EARTH researchers were able to figure out that the average person swallows 7 spiders during their sleep in their lifetime (Snapple fact!), personal opinions on people trying to represent their culture in various ways but instead possibly just stereotyping themselves to fit the image of being "unique" to others, and last but not least, the endless criticisms of pre-med students and how we're so glad we're not insanely selfish or competetive like some (don't get me wrong, I DO have some nice pre-med friends.... some!).

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I feel like the whole section above was SUCH a tangent. Let's rewind to the point that I was trying to get to.... ahh, here it is:

"I love being in motion - whether it be physical, emotional, conceptual."

But even this is a little flower-y and too nice, in my opinion. I think that instead, I should have just put,

"I should belong to Workaholics Anonymous, have the inability to sleep in, and like to overanalyze things."

I unfortunately find that keeping busy/working takes over my life, frequently. I used to (and still) tell my friends that I don't usually like being in relationships, since I'd suffer from the guilt of enjoying work so much, that I wouldn't be able to dedicate that much time to the poor guy, in the first place. Who wants to date a girl who actually enjoys staying in lab until the evenings and doing homework on Friday nights? (although, I must say, that although I do enjoy being productive and doing work even on Friday nights, it comes with the benefit of being able to do more fun stuff for rest of the weekend... right??)

In any case. I feel like this devotion to work can be a bit extreme. Take for example the fact that, despite my initial emotional qualms of being separated from my friends for what is potentially the last summer I'd spend with them, I still decided to take the offer of interning in a research institute in Thailand.

Bottom line: if I'm given an opportunity that will help me allow me to grow, professionally, I will take it and devote myself to it.

This blog post is turning out to be really long, so all I want to do is to just finish it.

But, here it is: I know I'm stubborn and naive, but I've already devoted myself to going to Thailand, and I want to see it out the best I can and experience whatever it is that I'm getting myself into.